Thursday, 30 March 2017

Sleeping with anxiety...

So it is quarter to two in the morning at the moment. I've been home from work for less than an hour and I am not tired. The very opposite actually and I will sit here for hours. I keep seeing snapchats of all of the people that are out drinking, and a small part of me wishes I was them. But the majority is glad I am in bed after such a long shift.

Why am I here? I came to ramble, I guess. I am sure you're all sick of hearing about my lack of sleep at the moment. But I came to wonder about other people; if they stay up late into the early hours and wonder if they should be doing something productive. I wonder if sitting up at night makes other people as anxious as it does me. I know that I think far too much in the early hours. It is like I suddenly remember everything that is wrong with my life as soon as the clock strikes one. But there are so so many things that I get done in the night that helps me to sleep eventually, and get through it.

Now I read a couple of sleep based internet links to prepare for this post about twenty minutes away. One, in particular, stated that to reduce anxiety and stress so that you can sleep better, you must sleep better. Apparently sleep improves your brain functions! No way. Seriously? I wonder if these people hear themselves at all. A lot of websites on the internet suggest lists of things to do when you can't sleep, to help you relax. This is all well and good but sometimes it means that you're doing things you would normally enjoy with the aim of going to sleep. It takes the fun out of them, I think. I remember even as little as a year ago, it was very very rare that I saw these sorts of hours on the clock. But sleep always always seems to be miles away these days.

But I wanted to share with you the list of things to do at night, just because you're awake. I am in no way suggesting that you should do any of these things instead of sleeping, I'm just suggesting things to do to fill the gap. So here we go with my top five:

1. Read. Being a bookworm, I try to keep my hours in bed for getting through whatever book I am reading at that time. Simply because I don't get time anywhere else. Currently I am reading Daughter of Smoke and Bone and it is what is keeping me up at night. It is captivating and I can't wait to finish it so I can continue the series.
2. University work. Simply because I am awake and it is there. Sometimes this involves research, reading, or essay writing. This probably sounds crazy but so is getting so little sleep guys! Tonight I have entertained myself with Paradise Lost.
3. Make lists! I try to be organised so there is nothing wrong with a good list. These lists don't have to be important lists or plan assignments or the future or anything. But Bucket Lists are always fun.
4.  Clean up. I've done this more than once in the middle of the night but the less said about that, the better. I find that mess seems to irritate me more when I am tired.
5. Writing in some form or another. Sometimes I blog late at night, sometimes I use my five year journal that my friend Chels gave me for Christmas. Sometimes I am finishing a letter to Katie, and add to that before sleeping (I am posting it this week, Kate!). Writing is like telling somebody about my day, rather than sitting on it.

This evening I have also played Snake several times on my phone, browsed through GoodReads and faffed around with Paradise Lost for a little while. All whilst watching repeats of Gilmore Girls. Maybe I am doing my Thursday nights wrong for nearly twenty, but at least I am comfortable I guess.

Here's to all the souls that are awake at 3am on a Friday morning. You are not weird because you cannot sleep. You are simply awake.

I am returning to Paradise Lost. Night night folks!

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